It's Just Hair

It happened so fast…my hair is falling out by the hand full, so I took charge and shaved it to minimize the emotional toll of watching it fall out in clumps.  I made it a girl’s night out and my dear friend Keri hosted my head shaving party – we drank wine and made a night of it.  It actually wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be.  Turns out I don’t have an odd shaped head and it sure is easier to get ready in the morning!  There is so much truth to everything you read about taking charge and shaving it yourself – it’s empowering and made me feel slightly better about the whole process.

Cancer? Me? That's not possible!

I’ve been wanting to jump into the blog world, but wasn’t sure my life was interesting enough.  Wow, has the past 9 months given me content – so here I am!  This blog is an outlet for me to share the ups, the downs and everything in between of someone embarking on 40 and their life turning upside down.  Three years ago, I made a conscious decision to take control of my physical and mental well-being.  I took up boot-camp, cycling and running.  Over the course of 2.5 years, I ran 5 half marathons, rode two 50 mile cycling events (raising money for cancer research) and downright became a gym rat!  As 2011 began, my energy dropped, my motivation wasn’t the same and I was diagnosed in July 2011 with Cervical Cancer.  I had just started a new job and when I just, I mean just, I got the call on my first day of my new job.  Then began my journey – I was quickly scheduled for a radical hysterectomy in hopes that the cancer hadn’t spread and required additional treatment.  I showed up for my post-op visit on my birthday (39th…took this as an omen of good luck) to find out that the cancer had spread to a lymph node and I would need radiation and chemotherapy.  You never think it’s going to happen to you!  I have learned so much through this journey, I have met so many inspirational people and I have found more strength in myself than I ever could have imagined.  I vowed to journal or blog through this whole process, but couldn’t seem to muster the motivation until now.  I don’t ever want to forget the emotion that has been a part of this journey, but some has probably passed with time.

I have completed my first round of treatment which included 6 weeks of radiation and chemotherapy.  It was tougher than I anticipated, but I made it!  My radiation angels were key in getting me through this first round of treatment.  When I went for my first appointment with Dr. Martin at The James Cancer Center, I couldn’t get a word out without crying – this has continued, but it gets better!  Then came Steve, Sommer, Erin and Leah – they truly got me through this integral first stage.  I went from being scared to death, feeling a little sorry for myself to being inspired by their support and encouragement.  I have learned the anticipation of things is always worse than the actual act and I am happy to say that I have come through this first round of treatment, stronger, thankful and inspired!  Now I am moving on to my last piece of treatment – more chemotherapy.
This round of chemotherapy is scarier, I will lose my hair:(  I have made every effort to embrace this and accept the reality that it’s just hair.  Life is so much more important than any vanity – right?!?  I thought I was ready, but at my first chemotherapy appointment….I cried again!  Dr. Cohn, my rock through this process, assured me that “no one can be prepared for this” and he also assured me that “this is temporary and will be a distant memory very soon”.  He’s right – he also reminded me that the anticipation is always worse than the actual act!  So, I sit here resting from my first round of Taxol/Carbo chemotherapy, thankful that I have the opportunity to choose life!

I am not a skilled writer, but I hope this blog will give me the outlet to get thoughts out of my head and maybe help someone else through this touch process.  Now, I’m off to plan for 2012 because if I’ve learned one thing, life throws you curve balls and you can either hit back or strike out – I plan to adjust and learn how to hit back!  This doesn’t mean I won’t strike out occasionally, but I know there is always another chance to hit back.  First up, I am being fitted for a wig this week…maybe I’ll go blond!