Things Always Look Better in the Morning

I remember this day last year like it was yesterday.  How do you adjust to life without a parent??  Well, life keeps going and stopping the earth's rotation in time is not an option.  As dad said, things always look better in the morning and I wake up every day with the mission of living life with the positive attitude that he so courageously lived his life with until his last day.

At times this year has gone so fast, seeming like just yesterday that dad was here and we were watching baseball together....other times, it seems like a lifetime has passed.  This year has taught me a great deal about my strength, courage and ability to overcome adversity.  I cannot lie, some days, all I want to do is stay in bed and forget everything that has happened!  However, most days, I put on my big girl panties and deal with it!

We spent this day surrounded by family, celebrating dad's memory and wishing he was here to be a part of it - he would have loved seeing our family together.  My Aunt Margie (pictured below with my mom and Matthew) has been such a pillar of strength for us through all of this - I just don't know how we would have gotten through this without her!  We have laughed with her, cried with her and enjoyed an adult beverage (or two, or three) when nothing else could console our breaking hearts.  Thanks Aunt Marge and Uncle Ralph - you are true gems!

We faced this day of sadness and spent time at the cemetery in a what some might consider a non-traditional manner, but I know dad was laughing so hard he was crying with us as he looked down on us toasting his memory.  Cheers to you dad - nothing is the same without you!

Life is Long. It is living that we risk being short on.

I planned to embrace and celebrate turning 40 - that was a year ago.  I don't know that I would call this last year celebrating at every turn, so I am regrouping with 41!  It's hard to believe my dad has been gone almost a year.  It's particularly hard right now, knowing that a year ago, I was sitting in the hospital and I wonder, did I do enough, did I ask the right questions, should I have pushed the doctors harder, should I have not trusted the rehab facility....the guilt can take over.  My advice to others in this situation is that you do the best you can at the time and second guessing the past will only destroy your future....time to take my own advice!


I have a favorite artist, Leigh Standley, who captures the essence of inspiration through greeting cards and gift items.  I discovered a new card on her website recently that inspired me.  No matter how much time we have, it's what we do with it that is most important.

Pelotonia13

As I reflect on Pelotonia13, I have so many thoughts running through my head that I struggle with where to begin.  I have been lucky to connect with an amazing group of strong, supportive, thoughtful and generous women (pictured below) through this journey of training and raising money to cure cancer!  I feel truly blessed!

The weekend kicked off on Friday, well I really started getting excited on Thursday.  There was so much excitement in the air of social media that it was hard concentrate on anything else.  Aneca, my 2012 riding partner for 100 miles, secured a set of handlebar speakers that arrived on Thursday, so the playlist recommendations began and she did not disappoint on the ride - she was a DJ, a coach, a physical therapist and an all around inspiration!  This year's opening ceremony was a success and I was inspired and hyped up to ride.  I caught up with John Looker - the inspiration behind the 2011 Pelotonia's opening ceremony video.  He would go on to ride the full 2 day, 180 mile ride - he's a super hero!  


I was up early, my jersey was ready to go with a tribute of my "100 reasons to ride 100 miles".  Each name represented someone close to me that has fought and won their cancer battle, lost their cancer battle or supported me through my own journey over the last 2 years.  The milestone miles were dedicated to the most significant people in my life:

• Mile #25:  Mom2, mom of my dear friend of 30 years that I referred to as mom #2 growing up - she is currently battling pancreatic cancer and fighting like a champ!
• Mile #50:  My dear mom who is battling breast cancer and not giving up!
• Mile #75:  My hero, my dad who lost his fight with lung cancer in October 2012 (if anyone remembers mile 75 - that was one of the first really steep hills...seems fitting, since losing him has been the hardest thing I've ever endured and making it to the top of that  hill gave me hope that things will get easier).
• Mile #100:  ME, I am a survivor & 18 months cancer free!

We hit up the Girls With Gears at the Red Roof Inn first and then made our way to Columbus Commons, with a quick detour to pick up Jenny James - our fearless team mate that took a risk and joined us for the 100 miles that she committed to, even though she ended up with only one training ride due to her bike being stolen in the spring.  She rocked all 100 miles with red lipstick and her infectious spirit!

Rider, Riders everywhere!

The crew ready to roll!

I had a minor delay in the chute before getting started with a dropped chain that was stuck and thank goodness it happened directly in front of the Trek repair truck - huge shout out to Judd from Trek who whisked my bike away, disassembled my chain set and pedals into pieces and had me ready to go in no time.  I waived my teammates on to say go ahead without me, this looked like it could take awhile, but they would have none of that and waited...have I said how awesome my riding group was this year??  We were finally off and riding...with some minor stopping getting out of downtown, but with 6500 cyclists, you're going to have a little congestion.

Tutus & Tantrums at Mile 25 rest stop! (ok, not really, but I have impeccable timing with taking pictures and it looks like a tantrum, so I'm having fun with it:)

We stopped at the 50 mile finish turn off to cheer on our champion, Deb, who rode through a knee injury suffered a few weeks prior.  The pictures slowed down as we hit the half way point, so words will have to suffice that the last 30 miles were...well, hard!  We had our last pit crew visit at mile 60-something and it was all us now.  We battled hills, cramps, exhaustion, sunburn, running out of cold beverages and the mental challenge of finishing.  At one point, Aneca offered to the man the intersection for a State Highway Patrolman so he could take a quick break - he didn't take us up on it though.  The toughest hills were yet to come and while I would say now that "we are stronger than we know" (I made it through radiation and chemo, I can pedal up these hills!), but it was hard to remember that while trying to pedal, pedal, pedal and make it up those hills!  It was late in the day, so there were fewer riders on the road and as we rolled along we saw the SAG vehicles driving by, loaded with bicycles and their riders that just couldn't keep going.  Each rider inspired another in a way they may not even know, music was playing on the handlebar speakers, a short stop to aid a lone rider struggling from muscle cramps, we played "would you rather", as well as "if you could be anywhere else right now, where would it be" and we were only to Mile 80...  

Once we rolled out of the mile 82 rest stop, we knew we were going to make it, but we still had one of the hardest hills at about mile 94 - we all got to the top to be greeted with a yet another State Highway Patrol that assured us were past the worst of it and it was downhill from here (we had heard this before and did not fully trust him).  Our pit crew was anxiously waiting in Gambier for our arrival across the finish line.  We regrouped just before the bike path to cross the finish line as a team and as we rounded that corner...words cannot describe the exhilaration we felt as we saw our loved ones, our beloved training partners that would carry on for day #2 of another 80 miles and the promise of a hot shower & a cold beer!  My second century was in the books!

That concludes Pelotonia13.  Thank you to the countless volunteers, those cheering along the way, the Pelotonia staff, my supporters (emotional and financially) and my Fab 5 century riders pictured below!  While plans are already being discussed for Pelotonia14, I am in search of the next adventure before then - what will it be?  Stay tuned...

  

Pictured above from left to right:

• Franny - a gift to us all, her determination to train and complete this ride was a thrill to be a part of - she just took up cycling last summer and did not mess around with her first Pelotonia, jumping in for 100 miles!
• Jenny - she has been my training partner for so many firsts and I am honored to experience her first 100 mile ride with her.
• Me
• Aneca - she pushes me to do things I never thought possible!
• Cindy - words cannot do this woman justice - she is an inspiration and a treasure!  

Am I Ready?

This summer has flown by at warp speed and while I have tried very hard to slow down and enjoy the many wonderful blessings, it's been hard.  I find myself falling into the trap of life being out of balance.  I have had a few opportunities to reflect while riding my bike this summer - I was hoping to capture more of my training rides and the excitement of training for Pelotonia13, but here we are, less than a week from the ride!

I first signed up for Pelotonia in 2009 - their inaugural year.  I had no connection to the The James Cancer Center at OSU, but thought it would be fun to try a new physical challenge.  Never mind that I hadn't ridden a bike since college - which was more years ago than I like to think!  But, I took the plunge, signed up and bought a fancy road bike.  I was so focused on the physical training and the fundraising that I was completely taken back by the emotional experience of day of the event.  I rode again in 2010, but was sidelined in 2011 with my own cancer diagnosis and volunteered.  I had the experience of seeing this event from the operational side by volunteering all weekend, which turned out to be just as emotional as riding.

My first two years of riding Pelotonia were a fabulous experience, but these last two years have been super special.  I have made some life changing connections through my 2012 and 2013 training.  As I reflect on this year's training and think about the upcoming 100 mile ride this Saturday, I am filled with happiness and inspiration.  I am ready and I know its going to a great day!  Although, it's hard not to be a little sad that my dad is not here to encourage me and share in my accomplishment.  He was always so proud of me and while his lack of physical presence does not diminish his pride, it's just not the same knowing I won't get that encouragement from him before the ride or the congratulations text after I am finished.

I have a long list of people to dedicate Pelotonia13 to, but a few are:

• The many amazing women that have encouraged me through this training season and lifted me up during some of my lowest times.
• My family that has been there to pick up the pieces over this last year.
• My incredibel Uncle Ralph, who just celebrated his 5 year anniversary of being cancer free!
• My #2 mom (mom of my dear friend of 30 years - didn't everyone have one of these as a child:), who is courageously fighting pancreatic cancer!
• My mom, who is currently kicking breast cancer's a$$ thanks to the James!
• My dad, my hero, who lost his battle with this despicable disease in October 2012. 

I will also ride, not only in honor of, but along side an amazing man who is a true inspiration, Looker, who says "If not us, who?  If not now, when?"  

In a few days, I will pedal along with 6600+ of my closest friends - keep us all in your prayers this weekend for a safe ride!

A sampling of my amazing training partners!

ONE GOAL -> END CANCER

Consider supporting my ride:

https://www.mypelotonia.org/riders_profile.jsp?MemberID=3967&SearchStart=0&PAGING

Anniversaries

Adding this new anniversary to my life is an emotional roller coaster - it's a club you never want to be a part of, yet you can't remember not being a part of it.  Today is my two year anniversary of being diagnosed with cancer.  Today, I am healthy, my hair is growing back, I take no medication, I only visit my oncologist every 4 months for a check up....life is returning to normal, right?  I only freak out occasionally - is that ache the cancer returning?

I know I should be grateful that my life is returning to "normal", but the truth is, I'm not sure I want it to return to "normal".  I don't want to take for granted this new lease on life.  My life will never be the same, but I had no idea how rich it would become through this experience.  The list of family and friends that have inspired, supported and mentored me through this journey is too long to mention.  To them I say thank you and I am doing my best to live this life that I have been blessed with to the fullest!

My First Love

My dad was the greatest man I've ever known and I miss him;( I keep waiting for it to get easier and the sadness to lessen...until then, I hope he is looking down on us, knowing how much he is missed!  Father's Day will just never be the same for me...

Then and Now

Hard to believe I had the pleasure of entering this beautiful young woman's life 18 years ago.  Wow - kids grow up fast.  I could not be more proud of her if I had given birth to her myself!  This weekend was a whirlwind of graduation for Alicia and sending Kyle off to his internship with General Motors in Detroit....yes, Michigan!  As everyone knows, Detroit holds a special place in our hearts as we lived there for 5 years and now Kyle is living there for the summer.  I feel so lucky to be able to call these two great kids mine:)  It truly is hard to believe though - we are thrilled to see them both creating their own path in life and are so blessed to share this journey with them both!  Seriously - look at these cute faces 17 years ago and how grown up they are below...please slow this roller coaster of life down!

No Regrets

"Life is too short to wake up with regrets.  So love the people who treat you right. Forget about those who don't.  Believe everything happens for a reason.  If you get a chance, take it.  If it changes your life, let it.  Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would most likely be worth it."  --Harvey MacKay

I came across this quote this morning and the timing could not have been better!  This week has been an emotional roller coaster.  It started with a hangover of the reminder of loss - this past weekend was the 6 month anniversary of my dad's passing and should have been his 63rd birthday on Sunday.  This week will end with the reminder of hope and life - my husband's daughter (who I do like to claim as my own - I have had the privilege of her being in my life since she was 4 years old;) will be graduating from college on Saturday and my husband's son (who I also like to claim as my own since he came into my life while he was still in diapers;) will be wrapping up his junior year of college and leaving for his summer internship in Detroit, Michigan. 

I am reminded to stay focused on what is important, live life with no regrets and the hard times pay off - don't miss the celebration!

What a Difference a Year Makes

This week if full of emotion...I celebrated the one year anniversary of completing chemo on April 25, April 27 marks 6 months to the day since my dad passed away and my dad should be celebrating his 63rd birthday on April 28.  I have been simply trying to keep my head above water that last few months and frankly, I've taken in some water at times. 

Well, today, I vow to look forward and not backward.  I often wonder - Why Me?  But, then again "Why Not Me?" - does anyone deserve this much adversity?  I certainly wouldn't wish it on anyone else, either.  So, I will stay focused on living, while forgiving myself the moments that I get lost in the "Why Me?" thoughts. 

It's a beautifully sunny, warm day in Columbus, Ohio today and I am am going to step out and enjoy the sun shining on my face and take my bike in for a tune up so I can start riding again - training for Pelotonia13.  I choose to continue to make a difference, rather than wallowing in the Why!  More to come of the journey of a non-athlete training to ride 100 miles - hopefully a little faster this year than last year!

Consider supporting my ride:

Pelotonia 2009 Training

https://www.mypelotonia.org/riders_profile.jsp?MemberID=3967&SearchStart=0&PAGING

Keep On Keeping On!

Another Year....as I think about my goals for the next year, it's difficult to reflect on 2012...

I underwent and completed 6 rounds of chemotherapy and have received 2 clean check ups - I am cancer free:)  My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer in June 2012 and is undergoing a very tough battle against advance HER2 Positive Breast Cancer.  My dad lost his battle with lung cancer on October 27, 2012.  My oldest and dearest friend's mom was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer....My year was filled with cancer!

We will keep fighting and I look forward to some good news in 2013!