How do you live, when you know you are dying?

Well, today was the day that we got the news that we didn't want..."there is nothing more we can do".  How do you live, when you know you are dying?  Well, you just do!  Today was the first time that I cried in front of my dad through this whole process - It was just so hard to hear these words.  My dad has always been my hero - he is non-judgmental, grateful, generous, loving, funny and truly the best man I know! He was my first love and I just don't know how to let him go.

Now, it is the race to find a rehab facility to release him to in hopes that we can get him strong enough to go home.  He is a very strong, determined man and I know we will get to take him home very soon!

Live Today Like There is no Tomorrow

The last two weeks have been a whirlwind and a blur.  As my dad battles lung cancer, we have been fortunate that he has been doing pretty well after being diagnosed almost a year ago, but we were reminded how serious this disease is on Tuesday, September 25.  He was having a rough weekend and was struggling to breath - after contacting his nurse and heading to the ER he was life flighted to OSU Hospital here in Columbus.  While he is improving every day, we are still not certain of what caused this latest scare.  As best they can tell, the tumor that is in his lung shifted just enough to block his airway, making it hard for him to breath and subsequently causing an infection, assuming pneumonia and to further complicate things, his heart went into A-fib.  Over the course of the last 12 days, he has improved dramatically, he has had 10 rounds of emergency radiation in hopes it will shrink the tumor enough to open the airway and possibly allow his pulmonary team to insert a stint in the bronchial tube to prevent this badly placed tumor from collapsing that airway again.

I have had a great deal of time to sit and reflect while keeping my dad company at the hospital.  It dawned on me that we received this devastating news of my dad's lung cancer a year ago next month.  While I am thankful to have had this time, I have not made the most of every day with him, largely due to my own battle over the last year, but I will not take for granted another day with him.  While I do not know why I have been dealt this hand of adversity over the last year - I do know one thing, it's important to embrace the blessings you have - so for now, I will sit here in this recliner and eat hospital food as long as necessary to ensure that my dad knows he is the most important thing in my life at this given moment!