I have been struggling since my mom passed away - it's hard to believe it has been more than 2 months since she passed. I have been struggling to be happy for others, to find a way to deal with the loss and most of the time, I simply stay busy enough to not think about it. Luckily, work has been so off the hook, that has not been hard. I found myself with few obligations this weekend and made a decision earlier this week that this weekend was going to be about me and feeding my soul. I spent some time thinking about what that meant and if given the full weekend to only focus on myself, what would I do? I threw myself into training for Pelotonia! Pelotonia is so near and dear to my heart, having been involved since the beginning, which seems like a lifetime ago.
As I train to ride 180 miles over 2 days, it's truly the hardest thing I have ever attempted, physically and mentally. One of the many hard parts of embarking on this challenge is, who will be as proud of me as my dad was? He would watch facebook to follow me along my rides and then call me later that day to talk about my ride. My parents were so proud of me and nothing felt better than living up to that...which wasn't that hard because your parents see the best in you, no matter what. So, I ask again, who will be as proud of me as my dad? The answer is me. Although, I know my dad is looking down on me with some cliche of wisdom - I hope I can hear his voice on that last tough of hill before rolling across the finish line.
Today, I rode 55 miles of hills after riding 25 miles yesterday. This was the first ride that I really felt confident about my riding. I cannot lie, I have been a little scared, given 2 of my training buddies have been involved in rather serious accidents over the last month, taking them out for the season. While neither of these accidents were caused by drivers, it's very disappointing to hear about and witness firsthand the driver's rage and anger over sharing the road with cyclists...what is so important that you can't slow down while passing a cyclist who is struggling up a hill or fixing a flat on the side of the road? Someone actually took the time to flip us off today after getting around us at stop sign - really?
I am so thankful for the amazing group of women that have supported me through this journey of training, which has turned into supporting me through my fight, loss and the rebuilding of who I am. I am so blessed, so thankful and so proud of myself. I am a survivor and every day gets easier. I look forward to crossing that finish line in August - it will mean more than anyone will realize as they cheer us across the finish line. We are only 5 weeks away and for the first time, I know I can do it - I am so proud of myself.
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